August 12th
11:17 PM +8
11:17 PM +8
This Feeling.
It came. This awful feeling. I’m scared of what might happen. I don’t like this and I hope I’m fuckin wrong about it.
No matter what…
August 6th
8:24 PM +8
8:24 PM +8
Right Now…
I miss him so so so bad! Like I wanna see him, I wanna touch him, I wanna talk to him… in person. It’s just that… I really miss him so much! So much it hurts already.
July 24th
2:03 PM +8
2:03 PM +8
Everything has been so much fun. But have you ever felt that your fun isn’t your all? Like, yes it’s fun, yes I’m happy but I never really get the most out of it.
Last week has been my happiest with him so far. We hunt jobs together, eat together, movie marathon together, play together and cuddle together. It’s been fun. It has been so much fun. Him staying here in the city is fun. We get to do a lot of various things. Everything goes the happy way, until things get so complicated and confusing when he left.
The problem is I don’t get to hold anything from him. Like I’m just hanging mid-air. We get to enjoy but there’s always this part I’m not sure of. He says nothing is wrong but then again, everyone can lie. I don’t know if I can still believe him.
The thing is, I like him. I really do. It’s just that I can’t give my all. I’m scared and I’m hurting. I don’t know.
July 11th
9:29 PM +8
9:29 PM +8
So many things have happened and I’ve been through so much. Partly my fault. I know I’m at fault ever since from the start. I haven’t even given a thought of it. I just did it. But no regrets, I’ve been happy. I felt happy enough. But I’m more hurt now.
The thing is, he had issues before with a person, I actually thought he was getting over it. Until that fateful night I saw something. Oh the horrid of social sites! When I saw it, I was really hurt.
Anyway, I went job-hunting with him the other day. It was okay, well, I had fun but I am hurting at the same time. Feel me? T’was really fun tho. The whole day we laughed, we talked, we ate together, rode jeep, bus, cab and LRT from UST to SLMC to MMC to MaDocs and back, together. T’was one hell of an adventure! But between those are his texts to the girl, the thought of him thinking about her hurts me. He even let me see a photo of the girl in his wallet. I felt so bad I almost hyperventilate. No joke! It was like a real slap on the face! I feel stupid. I’ve been putting up with it the whole day. Imagine my pain. No exaggeration here.
You wanna know the happiest part? After the long walks under the heat of the sun in Makati, after all those travels and more walks… he asked me to watch a movie. It was actually our 3rd time watching a movie together. I like seeing a movie with him. I just like it. It will probably be our last. I don’t know. Is it stupid if I’m wishing it not to be our last? I like him so much it almost consumes me.
We went home past 9, I think. I never felt so tired in so long. Both physically… and emotionally.
I know I shouldn’t have felt this way. I thought I was careful enough with my feelings but I lost it.
July 7th
12:58 AM +8
12:58 AM +8
Seriously?
I don’t know what to do with him anymore. Day after day, he’s hurting me. Or maybe I’m just paranoid. I just don’t know. /sigh
I really just don’t know.
